What Moms Really Want

Happy Mother's Day!

On Mother’s Day, when Dada asked, “What do you want to do this afternoon? Massage? Pedicure? Whatever you want.”

We already had plans for brunch with my whole family. And I’d spent the morning playing dress-up with the baby, so the day was starting out perfectly. That’s one thing moms really want-quality time with loved ones. So how would I choose to relax in the afternoon? A trip to the spa sounded nice, but all I wanted was a couple hours to myself to get in a nap and READ.

First off, the nap was the best nap I’ve had in over a year. Since the baby has arrived, I usually only get a chance to nap when she’s napping and so it’s that light sleep where I’m half-asleep and half-listening for her to wake up. I’d refer to it, not so much as napping, but as lying down with my eyes closed. My Sunday nap was one of those decadent, subterranean naps where you have no idea what century you’re in when you wake up. Dada had taken her to run some errands, and I heard them come home while I was sleeping. The supersonic mama hearing was still in full effect. Though I heard them come in the door, I knew since that was “me” time, I didn’t have to worry about her, so I stayed asleep and my brain wove the noises from them entering the house into a lucid dream.

When I finally woke up, I still had some time to myself so I grabbed the nearest book off my nightstand-didn’t care what it was-and read for about thirty minutes. Reading is the activity that I miss the most now that I’m a mom. Having a child later in life means that I’ve gotten to enjoy a lot of experiences. We were so ready to have our baby because we’d done everything we wanted to. Right before I got pregnant, we went to Hong Kong. We’ve seen four European countries and Africa. It doesn’t mean I’m done traveling. Now, we're ready to see it through my daughter’s eyes. When I was single, I was the girl who was always ready to go out and have fun. I’m a people-pleaser, which can be exhausting, but means that you don’t miss out on a lot. And I thoroughly enjoyed being out and partying. Never again in my life will I close the bar or have just one more drink, and I couldn’t be happier. Happy I’ve done it and happy I won’t be out and about like I used to in this lifetime. When I look back at my pre-baby time, there’s nothing I wish I would’ve done more of except…READ. I miss lounging in bed or on the couch with a good book. I’ve always enjoyed reading, but I truly wish I’d done even before baby arrived, and now that she is here, I never have time for it. From a selfish standpoint, I can’t wait until she’s a little older when we can read more advanced books together…books that have more plot twists and character development than her current collection.

I went outside Mother’s Day afternoon. I saw a couple of husbands out with their kids. “Sorry, I’m in my pajamas, guys. I told my family I wanted to be lazy today.” The dads concurred that their wives had given them the same requests. “Lisa just said she wanted some alone time.” And there it is: the Mama see-saw. We long for more time with our loved ones every day and for the long haul, and we’d also love more time for ourselves-time to rest and recharge.

Something struck me about the dads being outside. I see them outside quite a bit with the kids. And Dada takes our baby with him on errands quite often. Lots of fathers are hands-on and really help to share the burden with mom. But as moms, we always feel like we can’t let go. It’s our duty to always be on high-alert. I felt so rejuvenated on Monday and wondered why we couldn’t have a similar day to Mother’s Day at least once a week. Dads are willing to take the kids for a block of time. It might be me who needs to learn to compartmentalize a little more (men are so good at it), and say, “Yes, take our daughter. And I’m going to totally check out.” And then I can do the things I love, like pick up a book, rather than straighten up the playroom for the tenth time.